I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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