Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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