I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
