What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
