I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
