sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
