Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
