i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
