It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize