Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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