Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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