Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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