the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have demons in me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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