So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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