return my video game
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
my poor anus
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
