just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
