I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
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I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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