Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You dont lie about slip and slides
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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