Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
soo... how was my night?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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