I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
