So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
