Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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