I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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