There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he puts the penis in happiness.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
