Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
