They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can't turn off my feet"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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