I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
