Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if i can run in heels then i can drive
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
