Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
