I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
