Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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