I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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