if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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