Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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