Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
