In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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