I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
