Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
