Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
