i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
