Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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