Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize