i'm signing you up for texting rehab
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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