I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
