me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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