i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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