Im at strip club and am horny
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
