well I can't set my house on fire every night
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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