Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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