I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
