So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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