My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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