By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
