Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
