if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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