the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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