Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sober January is a disaster.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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