My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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