U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize