she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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