remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
