Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
