honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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