If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
